No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
