You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
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ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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