I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
