Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
