I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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