The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
