I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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