My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
