I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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