it was like his penis was on wheels.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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