Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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