stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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