Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
