It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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