I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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