and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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