Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize