I wish my penis had an off switch
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize