I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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