she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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