big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
