i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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