if you like me you must not know who I am
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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