My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
