i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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