I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
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i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
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Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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