in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
