Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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