I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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