I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
