Don't make out with my wife yet
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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