I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
