Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
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He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
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GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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