Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
