she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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