No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
