I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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