I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
