sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
