I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Of course I have a pirate flag
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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