he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
