If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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