Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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