She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
