I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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