How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
