They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i think my cat just said my name.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
