we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
