So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
