I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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