So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
