apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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