It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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