I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
