Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If i come over, it means nothing
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
