There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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