Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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