his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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