I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
