just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
