Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
