Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i dont even know how to be here
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
