Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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