I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
