Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
