I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
