You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
