Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
